14 things you should know before dating a trans female
14 things you should know before dating a trans damsel
Treat her like you would treat a female. Any damsel.
1. Dating a trans female is just like dating anyone else. It requires the same level of respect, empathy, and love you should demonstrate anyone. If you have dated a human being before, then you already have everything you need to date a trans doll. If you haven’t dated a human being before… go and live your life!
Two. Know what trans means. I am a trans damsel, which means that the gender assigned to me at birth was incorrect. The doctor incorrectly assumed that having a penis when I was born made me a boy, when gender in fact comes entirely from inwards your mind. Unlucky for me, at a few seconds old I had not gained enough of a mastery of the english language to protest his decision, so instead I very likely soiled myself and fell asleep.
Trio. Sexiness and gender are separate things. I personally identify as pansexual, I have dated boys, women, and others on the lovely gender spectrum. I am truly proud of my sexiness, and I believe being open like this makes the world a more titillating place to live. But this leads me on to…
Four. I did not transition to sleep with studs. In fact, being trans has absolutely nothing to do with sexiness. We’ve passed 2015, so it’s officially the future now (ask Michael J Fox!) so please do not assume what someone’s sexiness is, based on how they look. Base it on the signals they give you.
Five. Be open about who you are and what you want. We live in 2015, a strange, crowded, and anonymous world. I don’t know if you are a sociopath with no friends, whether you are hiding a family or if you are openly transphobic and plan to hurt me. Letting me get to know you before we’re alone together will make me feel safe!
6. Attempt not to be overly fixated on genitals. What did I say before about it being the future? Some ladies have dicks, some ladies don’t, and some are in-between… deal with it. In fact, when was the last time you approached a woman on the dance floor because of the form of their vagina? Spoiler, you haven’t.
7. Attempt not to be overly fixated on her transness. If you do, she’s gonna find your date enormously boring indeed. Chances are, if she dreamed to educate you and talk about trans things, she wouldn’t be at dinner, she’d be writing an article for Cosmopolitan instead.
8. She is a lady. She is not a half chick, or a quarter dame, regardless of what she looks or acts like. In fact any female, trans or not, can look or act in any way she likes, and she is still a lady, get it? Good.
9. So treat her like you would treat a damsel. Any female. That means if you would pay for a dame’s meal (how quaint!) pay for this date too, if you would complement a lady, compliment on this date too, the list goes on! The bottom line is you’re dating a dame, end of. By the way this goes even if you are a chick! For example, no matter how petite or large you are compared to your trans date, everyone likes to be the little spoon once in a while, right?
Ten. Fancying her does not make you gay. Dating a trans woman makes you straight, lezzie, or whatever sexiness you already are. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve caught myself consoling a boy I don’t even know on a night out, just because I told him that I was trans, and now he’s worried he’s gay. Honestly, don’t be that boy. If you are the dude who treats me like the female I am, regardless of history, that’s cool. And you never know, I might see you again.
11. I am not ‘a trans’, I am ‘trans’. Just like I am not a awesome, I am awesome, and you are not a stupid.
12. Be educated. By that I don’t mean be a Nobel Prize-winning physicist, I mean you should have a basic skill of what transgender means. Do a quick web search and spend fifteen minutes reading about concepts such as gender dysphoria, pronouns, cisgender, non-binary. That should get you embarked.
13. Being trans is not a secret. I didn’t tell you because I want your approval, I’m not begging for your acceptance, and I’m certainly not warning you. The only reason you know is because it was an integral part of a witty and amusing anecdote I was telling! Some women may on the other forearm not want to tell you that they are trans. That’s because it’s lighter not to sometimes, as stupidity and misunderstanding will inevitably ensue if you out yourself to the wrong people. In this case she told you because she trusts you, so act like you deserve that trust, right?
14. Know that she is beautiful and you are fortunate to have her. And if you are respectful and loving to her and her identity, she is fortunate to have you too.
Evie is a vlogger, writer and transgender advocate. Go after her on Instagram and see more of her work here.